So yesterday we talked about the three common layers of emotional writing – the Surface, Skin-Deep and the Touch the Heart layers. This last layer is where a lot of authors stop. They have connected with their readers’ hearts, made them feel what their characters feel and that’s their goal. But there is another layer, one that goes even deeper, one that makes us connect with the character, an almost spiritual connection.
And that’s what I call soul-deep. It’s the use of Metaphor to convey emotions. It’s the heart of showing.
Let’s look at Dear Darla again.
She has a book. A Fear of Flying book. She takes it out. Clutches it herself, and then almost frantically shoves it back into the bag. Then, after wiping her hands on her pants, breathing out a few times, staring out the window, she grabs it again, and this time opens it, tearing off the highlighter top with her teeth and going to town, marking up the book, as if it holds the key to surviving the next two hours. The book is hope and promise and victory and I saw in my mind’s eye a two year old clutching his blanket, trembling and alone in the middle of the night in his crib.
Don’t you feel sorry for her?
So, let’s write it in her pov.
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She didn’t need the book. Didn’t need…okay, maybe she’d just take it out and hold it. She didn’t want it get lost, maybe left behind. She pressed it to her chest, stared out the window at the airplanes, like birds – safer than cars, the book said – moving around the shiny tarmac. Clear blue skies. A perfect day for flying.
She put the book back in the bag. Shoved it deep. Zipped up the bag. Really, it wasn’t like it was a security blanket, or that she was a toddler. Across from her, a woman with a walkman looked away – Darla knew she’d been staring.
She blew out a breath. Rubbed her greasy palms on her pants. Maybe she should call her father – again. A voice came over the loudspeaker. She tried to listen, but lost the first half of the announcement. What if it if was her flight, what if she was left –
She unzipped the pack and wrestled out the book. Opened it. There – “Preboarding, what to expect at the gate.”
Had she read that chapter? She pulled out the highlighter, held the cap in her mouth and began to underline. Probably she’d just keep the book out.
*****
~ We never mention that she’s afraid. But we see it in her greasy palms, and breathing – there’s the touch the heart layer, but most of all we get in her skin through the symbolism and action of needing the book like a security blanket. In the end the fear wins.
~ We don’t just feel her pain in our hearts, we’ve been there, wanting to defeat something, and not able to. We’ve connected with her on a spiritual level, one of deep understanding. Because we understand the metaphor.
~ Gary Smalley calls it a “word picture” – and tells married couples to use it as they try and communicate. When people can connect to a word picture, they can connect to the emotions we are trying to covey. And when they connect, that’s what is going to glue your reader to the page.
So, your assignment over on Voices, if you choose to accept it, is to write a scene without naming the emotion, using metaphor – and then let your voices GUESS what emotion you’re portraying!
And, if you want MORE of this class, don’t stop by my Don’t Wear your Heart on your Sleeve - Writing Emotions class at the ACFW conference in September!
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Rachel adds: Great imagery, Susie. And really, if you want to be honest, this is how to show and NOT tell. This technique has become convoluted in the writing world. It’s not avoiding words like, “angry” or “fear” or “laughed” but it’s about showing all of the emotions on the body, the characters reaction to the room, reaction to others, as well as the author working with pacing and timing.
I also love how Susie paid attention to this fellow passenger. This is how we improve our writing. If you see something that captures you, take time to write it down, or memorize it and write the scene later. We know we want to show the passenger is afraid, but we can come up short on those images and metaphors. The book, Overcoming Fear of Flying, provided more than we needed to understand this woman.
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Next week well be talking about: SUBPLOTS! Have a great weekend!
